Learning to navigate your relationship after having kids
When we have a baby our whole lives change as mothers, not only does our brains literally change in a transition called matrescence, our bodies also change, our routines, habits, social life, sleep and reality gets turned upside down. I know for myself one of the biggest things that I never anticipated or prepared for was my relationship with my husband and how that would change, and not just once but after both babies our relationship changed and there was a period of tension and unease. It's so hard as a new parent and I don't think anyone can prepare you for the effect it can have on your relationship. 1 in 5 relationships will break down in the first 12 months after having a baby and yet it's not something we commonly speak about.
Here are some things that changed in my own relationship
I didn't feel confident and sexy in my body, this did nothing for my sex drive
Sex was once easy and effortless and now it took so much time to make it happen
I became so overwhelmed by the lack of sleep, no time for me and the general house chaos that I blamed Josh
I struggled to transition from paid work to being at home all day (this was mostly when I had Paige rather than Charli). I felt guilty for being at home not working, my worth was tied to my work and affected my mental health
I felt like I was always asking permission to do things without Paige “can I go to the gym”, “can I go for a walk by myself” this led to resentment even though it was all in my head and by no means caused by Josh
Always messaging Josh where he was and when he'd be home. Prior to kids I had no idea where Josh was and when he'd be home, we didn't keep tabs on either other and now all of a sudden we not needed to know where the other was all the time
I was tired AF and took it out on him
I got sick of communicating what I needed so I just did it myself but this just lead to more resentment
My love language is touch (in my intimate relationship only, I'm not a hugger) but I was so touched out by kids and feeding that I didn't want to be touched anymore and therefore didn't have sex, I then felt alone, which led to more withdrawal
Everything was (and still is) a balancing act of work, parenthood, relationship
Money. Before kids we had our own personal accounts and then our joint accounts that we'd each put money into, but once we had kids I felt like I couldn't buy anything for me because I wasn't earning as much. Not to mention learning how to allocate money once kids arrive
When I went back to work I went from doing most of the housework to continuing to do that but also doing paid work, this caused me to get burnt out
I spent all day in my masculine energy trying to get everything done around the house, keep children alive all on very little sleep, that when he got home it was like 2 magnets repelling each other leading to arguments and bickering
Because I was in my masculine I criticized Josh and I'll never forget the tone and sadness he said “I don't feel like I can do anything right” and this, that one line is what caused the shift in me.
This is why I have included intimate relationships, sex and feminine energy in my 1:1 14 week coaching because I know how hard it is on a mother and her health when she's out of balance here. You can exercise all you want but if you go home & bicker with your partner & aren't having sex because you are boh in your masculine repelling each other your health will never be truly vibrant & you won't feel sexy AF!
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